


Project Conventus

by guardsguards



Series: CIA!Dirk 'verse [2]
Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Awkward Conversations, CIA!Dirk, First Kiss, First Time, Kissing, M/M, Past Abuse, Pillow Talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-22 18:17:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9619370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guardsguards/pseuds/guardsguards
Summary: Despite Dirk's fondness for physical affection, Todd finds that intimacy is a very confusing matter in the early days of their relationship.Set after Project Icarus, this can be read as a stand-alone if you take a glance at the notes though.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Rated M for discussions of sex, and cursing.
> 
> If you haven't read Project Icarus, all you need to know is that the Dirk of this universe stayed with (and kind of worked for) the CIA until the age of 32. The events of this fic would be very different if set in the canon universe.

Intimacy with Dirk was a source of constant confusion during the first month of their relationship. Dirk was by far the most physically affectionate person Todd had ever dated; no kiss was complete without a warm hand cupping Todd’s cheek or the back of his neck, and every night Dirk would want to be as close to Todd as humanly possible before falling asleep.

Yet, despite this penchant for physical affection, the first time that they kissed, Todd couldn’t help thinking that Dirk kissed a bit like a teenager.

Well, that wasn’t exactly true. The first time they _technically_ kissed, it was very much a closed-mouth peck-on-the-lips affair that lasted about a second and gave Todd no real data to draw conclusions from. That’s not to say that he hadn’t enjoyed the kiss, because it had still been Dirk and the way Dirk had smiled afterwards was enough to classify it as a good kiss. It just wasn’t what Todd would call a proper kiss.

The several kisses after the first one were all pretty similar. This wasn’t bad, per se, but after two weeks of dating and one week of actually sharing a bed, Todd became impatient for a little more.

When Todd did finally initiate a proper kiss, it became immediately apparent that Dirk hadn’t realised ‘a little more’ was an option vis-à-vis kissing. It was a Sunday morning and they were pressed together in pleasant proximity on Todd’s bed; Todd had spent the past twenty minutes waiting for Dirk to wake up and contemplating how ridiculous it was that they were sleeping together - in nothing but underwear, usually – and yet they hadn’t even fully reached first base. He shouldn’t have expected a relationship with Dirk Gently to progress normally, but Todd felt that a proper kiss was overdue. 

So, when Dirk had woken up with a soft smile and the usual comment of “You’re still here,” on his lips, Todd had leaned in to kiss him. Dirk seemed surprised at first, to feel Todd’s mouth open against his, though not necessarily surprised in a bad way. Surprised in a _‘I’ve been awake for under two minutes and this day is already taking me down unexplored paths’_ kind of way.

Todd didn’t particularly mind that the kiss was an uncoordinated mess of clumsy enthusiasm; it was a very Dirk-like kiss. Besides, two weeks of chaste kisses had given Todd more than enough time to acclimate to the idea that Dirk didn’t have much experience in anything beyond hugging.

“That was… unexpected,” Dirk breathed when they broke apart, though it couldn’t really be called ‘breaking apart’ when he was still plastered to Todd’s front, “Nice, though. Um, yes, nice is the word. Good work, Todd, very good work.” His cheeks were flushed, and seemingly in the process of becoming more flushed as he continued to look at Todd, gaze flicking restlessly between his eyes and his mouth.

Before Todd could formulate any reply beyond an amused huff, Dirk was kissing him again, with all the same enthusiasm as last time and a fractional amount more finesse. This was what had reminded Todd of his many fumbling encounters as a teenager: the sense of desperately wanting to reach an end goal, despite not fully understanding what that end goal was.

Dirk’s fingers were pressing bruisingly hard into Todd’s back, though every few seconds he seemed to realise that and soften his touch, before losing himself in the kiss again. A similar dilemma was playing out further down, with Dirk’s hips twitching forward every now and then only to be shifted back whenever Dirk realised what he was doing.

All of this was endearing, but also put Todd in the particularly frustrating position of being unsure whether Dirk wanted to take this further or whether Dirk’s body was saying one thing when the man himself really wanted the opposite.

Fortunately, the answer was made apparent when Dirk pulled back, breathless and flushed red down to his chest and somehow managing to look even more attractive than he did in his neatly buttoned shirts and flashy jackets. He also managed to look even more enamoured with Todd than he usually did, which was particularly impressive.

“I might,” Dirk began, wetting his lips with his tongue, a movement which Todd’s eyes followed intently, “I might need a few moments to gather myself, before breakfast.” Which seemed like a ‘no’ in regards to going any further down the kissing route, but Todd couldn’t bring himself to mind.

With a snort of fond amusement, he pressed a brief kiss to Dirk’s forehead, accompanied by a murmured, “Take as long as you need.”

 

* * *

 

After that, the kissing became a very regular thing. Of course, there wasn’t much time for it during cases – except for the alarmingly common scenario where they found themselves facing seemingly certain doom and a kiss was called for, since it could potentially be the last. During their downtime, however, kissing was a favourite activity.

Evenings usually went like this. Dirk would join Todd on whatever piece of furniture he’d chosen to collapse upon, mind buzzing with ideas and anecdotes that he would share with Todd in his usual rambling manner. Periodically, Dirk’s words would trail off as he stared a little too intently at Todd’s lips, and Todd would take the cue to kiss him. And then after a few minutes of increasingly heated kissing - that could occasionally even be described as ‘making out’ - Dirk’s brain would supply him with another anecdote and the talking would recommence. This usually happened at about the moment when Todd began to hope they’d go a little further that night, but it always went the same way. Rinse and repeat.

Todd had never been the type to initiate a ‘where are we in our relationship?’ sort-of conversation, but it was starting to look like he’d have to do just that. After all, Dirk’s behaviour conveyed a confusing mix of eagerness for physical contact and reluctance to actually touch Todd in any manner that wasn’t strictly PG-13, and Todd needed to know where they stood.

He seized his opportunity when Dirk was in the middle of washing dishes, sleeves rolled up to make room for the ridiculous yellow rubber gloves he insisted on wearing. Todd sidled up beside him, grabbing a dish cloth and starting to dry up. It was all very domestic.

“You’ve never mentioned any other boyfriends… Or girlfriends,” Todd began, his forced casual tone not sounding very casual at all. Dirk made that soft humming sound, accompanied by a pursing of the lips, that he often made when Todd began a conversation Dirk wasn’t overly enthusiastic about pursuing. These conversations almost always centred around the 25-year span of Dirk’s life that was off-limits, according to an unspoken rule between them.

“There haven’t been any others,” Dirk replied after a moment, and Todd pretended not to notice the way Dirk was watching him out of the corner of his eye, as if nervous of Todd’s reaction.

“I figured.”

“Then why did you ask?” Dirk shot back. His movements were no longer relaxed. He was twitchy and had come close to doubling his scrubbing speed, as if finishing the dishes sooner would get him out of the conversation.

“I wanted to check I was right. It’s not like I mind, you know. It makes sense that you haven’t.” Todd cringed as soon as he heard his own words, he hadn’t meant for it to sound that way. “Not that you aren’t a good person to date. You just don’t seem like you’ve done any of this before,” Todd amended. The amendment didn’t help.

“I haven’t had much time for dating,” Dirk replied, eyes now focused intently on the saucepan he was washing, “It’s not as if I never had the… desire for it.” Todd was apparently far enough into his dry spell that just hearing Dirk say the word ‘desire’ sparked a twinge of misplaced arousal.

“When I was younger, I wanted to. But opportunities were rather limited. And after a certain point, I suppose I could have done _something_ … Not dating, that would never have worked, but other things,” Dirk continued haltingly, “But the thought of it was a little intimidating, and I was distracted by… I was distracted.”

“So, you’re a virgin?” Todd asked, figuring bluntness would be his best chance of getting the awkward conversation over and done with as quickly as possible.

“There’s nothing wrong with waiting,” Dirk said, and his tone of voice was familiar. It was the tone Dirk sometimes used when speaking on a topic he was clearly unsure about, the tone that made it sound as if he was reciting a line he’d read in a book.

“I’m not saying it’s a problem,” Todd replied quickly, setting down the dish cloth and leaning back against the counter. Putting this into words was hard. “I guess… okay, so the relationships I’ve had before, they weren’t anything like this. Most of them weren’t good relationships, looking back. And usually the sex happened before the first date, which isn’t necessarily a good thing. So, I guess I just need a guideline for where you want this to go. Because I know you like what we do, I mean, I can tell that you like it, but I never know if you want to do _more_. And I don’t want to mess this up by being a shitty boyfriend. Maybe I’m being a shitty boyfriend right now.”

Dirk’s hands had stilled in the soapy water as Todd spoke. “You’re not a shitty boyfriend, Todd,” he sighed, “You’re a good boyfriend.”

Once the words were out, silence settled heavily around them. Todd was very aware that Dirk could change the topic now, could start telling some light-hearted and bizarre story that Todd wouldn’t have the nerve to interrupt with a more serious conversation. He couldn’t even tell if he wanted that to happen or not.

“To be perfectly honest,” Dirk went on unexpectedly, after a few long moments, his voice tight and somehow giving the impression that he was a man stood at the edge of a very steep cliff, “I wasn’t sure how to go about continuing things, exactly. I know, right? Me, unsure about something, how uncharacteristic, it’s really quite bizarre…” The joking tone faltered almost as quickly as it had manifested. “I would like to, though. So, we can. Though perhaps not right now because there’s still a lot of washing up to do, you see,” he finished. Todd couldn’t remember ever having seen Dirk look so relieved to be done talking.

“Yeah, I don’t think right now would be the best time. It’s – uh – it’s good to know, though,” Todd said, grabbing the dish cloth and starting to dry up again, “Hey, by the way, you fell asleep last night before you could finish telling me about that croissant conspiracy thing.”

Todd’s shoulders finally relaxed when he heard the dual sounds of Dirk saying “Oh, yes, I’m so glad you reminded me of that,” and of Dirk starting back up with the dish washing. A few minutes later, Dirk’s stance was at ease again and Todd was smiling and shaking his head in disbelief at the detective’s wild theories, though he was immeasurably glad to hear them.

 

* * *

 

The sex didn’t happen right away. Todd hadn’t expected it to, really. The boundary may have been verbally rescinded but it was still very much a presence between them, although now Todd didn’t worry about it too much. He felt like he could go right up to the metaphorical line and nudge it forward a little, and whenever he did Dirk would respond with the same adoring, clumsy enthusiasm that Todd had noticed during their first kiss.

Todd’s favourite advancements were those that Dirk initiated. After their most recent case, when they’d both stumbled back to the apartment coated in soot and utterly exhausted, Dirk had suggested that they share the shower and Todd had gratefully agreed. They’d both been too tired for anything much to come of it, save for a few lazy kisses once they’d helped each other wash, but it was a good memory all the same.

In the end, the story behind Dirk’s lack of experience came out before they reached the ‘final hurdle’, so to speak. The story had to be told, really, after an unfortunate incident involving the mention of the name ‘Kevin Johnson’ on TV and Dirk locking himself in the bathroom for an hour. Dirk had murmured an abridged account of his past into the crook of Todd’s neck as they lay in bed together that night, Dirk clinging to Todd and Todd pretending he didn’t feel the tremors when they got to particularly trying parts of the story. The trying parts were more common than the happy parts, though Todd was glad that at least a few happy memories had made the cut.

That was probably the first night when they fell asleep with Todd holding Dirk more tightly than Dirk held Todd. And in the morning, Dirk woke up smiling and peppering Todd’s neck with kisses and Todd could only stare at him in awe, wondering how somebody like Dirk had been the product of a situation like that.

Dirk had blushed upon noticing the way Todd was watching him, which had led to Todd kissing him, which had led to the few items of clothing they wore being shed, which had led to Dirk climbing into Todd's lap. The whole series of events culminated with what could probably be defined as the least rushed fuck of Todd’s life. Despite how long he’d been waiting, it didn’t feel at all like relief after a long wait. It felt as though it happened exactly when it was supposed to.

In Todd’s mind, the best part was that Dirk never felt the need to ask if it had been okay, when they were basking in the afterglow. Every time they’d passed a hurdle before, that had been the first question on Dirk’s lips, but this time Dirk seemed utterly content to hold Todd quietly in the aftermath.

“That was better than I imagined,” were the first words Dirk spoke post-orgasm; Todd could feel his lips moving against his shoulder.

“Yeah? You imagined it a lot, then?” Todd replied, with a quirk of his eyebrow.

Dirk scoffed, but smirked, “I’m not here to inflate your ego, Todd. Take the compliment.” That made Todd laugh, though he bit back a witty retort in favour of something else.

“I knew it would be good, with you,” he said, “You make everything good, even stuff that felt dull before. That’s what you’re good at.” He pretended that he couldn’t feel Dirk beaming at the praise, though he could hardly ignore the flurry of affectionate kisses that followed.

More than anything else, Todd thought, Dirk deserved to be loved. Lying in bed with Dirk pressed close and still radiating post-orgasmic bliss, Todd finally began to think he might be up to the task of giving that love to him.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! And thanks to everybody that left comments on Project Icarus, they were such a joy to read and totally inspired this follow-up.
> 
> I have a couple more fics in my head for this 'verse, one more revolving around Brotzly and one focusing on other Black Wing subjects, so keep an eye out if you're interested in more. Also, if you liked this then check out my tumblr (gentledirkly) where I take fic prompts and post updates about what I'm writing.
> 
> Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated, as always :)


End file.
